Last post

I guess it is easy to fall into the trap of debt. There should not be traps in life. I jumped into the trap to prove a point. A messiah works differently to other people. So the trap reverses and catches the banks. God will not help them because it is helping me. The outcome is being felt and will get stronger over the next 4 and a half years. Then the rate of decline will maintain at a fixed level instead of the small increase that is currently occuring. This has a two fold effect. It needs to be shown, in one of the ways I can, that I am capable of this. The other reason is that a unprecedented increase in banks profits would not allow me to say "I'm wrecking the banks". In addition the UK weather is being manipulated to have highly increased rainfall. The climate has been accelarated in as much as I can to increase global warming and facilitate the increase of extreme weather events. This is to ram home the point to the world that you are not taking it seriously enough yet. Roll on the sequence days to come this year. The time of judgement.

Fuel poverty.

Got an early night last night. Ang was drinking yesterday so didn't come over. Martine did though and was wacked after a long time talking to her. So many of her ideas are hard to accept. I kept having to bite my lip to keep calm. Wanted to argue with her ideas but didn't want the grief. She rushed out for train when we looked up live train info on sw trains site as there was a delayed train due. Rang her later and found she had to wait for 20 mins so think site was wrong. Woke just before 6 so got up and watched news for a while. Ang hasn't rung this morning but dunno if she awake yet. Took her some tobacco yesterday and she had gone to bed because was feeling sick. Got loads of bills paid yesterday and today. Gunna take another 4 weeks before can complete paying them. Worked out I prolly in fuel poverty. It don't seem like it though. Compared to some in the world I got it made :).

Rise and shine.

Ang rang me at 8 this morning. Told her I was gunna have a lay in for a while. She said I needed to get the dogs out. I went back to bed but she rang 3 more times in the next 10 minutes until I answered the phone the third time she rang. I was forced to get up because by then the dogs had been disturbed too much. She said to me she was going back to bed because she was tired and I thought "So am I and that's why I was hoping for an extra half hour in bed". She rang later and I asked if she was coming over but she was really depressed and going to bed. I tried ringing a few hours later but her phone was off. Tried her door about 5 but no response. Tried it again about 9 but still no answer. Bit worried now as she got a lot of medication over hers. Hope she doesn't wake up in the night and ring me. I need a good nights sleep.

Peaches

Ang rang just after 8 this morning ten minutes after I got up. She came over after I'd been out with the dogs to the railway station. I swept and mopped the kitchen and hall after took dogs out for their second walk. Got the front door and the walls of the hall sortov done. Drank lots of coffee to get in the mood for cleaning. Had argument with Ang because she left her clothes all over the side of the bath and when I said something she flipped out. She decided to go home again so had the flat to myself. Finished off the hall after she went and then had summut to eat. Ang came over for some milk and I rang her a few times. When she came over she apologised for having a go at me. Went over at one point to put mattress she had in the lounge back on her bed for her and stopped and chatted for five minutes. Locked dogs in and they were quiet when I got back. Ang watching Call the midwife tonight and arranged to ring her when it finishes. Turned heating off at 8pm and planning on an early night. Going to have one last coffee and some tinned fruit before bed. Ang not had anything to eat today but a slice of toast and marmalade.

Drinking again :(...updated

Got up at 8 after Ang woke me up. Took dogs to the shops for their first walk. Got back and had a coffee then took Buster to chemists to get Ang's script. Got back and played games for a while then took dogs out again. Dainty would only go to railway station so wasn't out long. When I got back I had to go to bed. Woke about 2 hours and had argument with Ang. Afterwards she said she was going back to hers and left 20 mins later. She rang about 15 minutes after that and asked me to go and get her some cider and a lighter. I agreed after she went on for a bit saying she just wanted to chill out and wouldn't go on a binge. Left Dainty at home and took Buster as she didn't want to come over and sit with dogs. Took cider over to Ang and she gave me a pouch of tobacco to dry out in the microwave but said she was in no rush for it. Went home and found a repeat of Dr Who on TV. Watched that and then put cup of water and tobacco in microwave for 2 mins 46 secs. Made coffee with water and took tobacco over to Ang. Came back and put laptop on and now gunna stay up all night playing Land Leven, smoking, drinking coffee and eating. Gunna make it warm, wet and, if I eat lots of veg or baked beans, windy locally. 2 1/2 days warning. Am going to catch up on all the news I have missed lately because have been avoiding it. Have been avoiding TV lately. Cabbaged my head seeing Algeria massacre. Always terrorists or crazed gunmen when I lose blood. This is my 500th post. A milestone. Update. Decided to go to bed at 20 past midnight. Had music channel on most of the night. Now am pissed off :( Hate other peoples choice in music combinations.

Another mistake

Been quiet last few days. Martine came over a couple of days ago and picked up some flooring Ang had at hers. Jane drove her over and she didn't stop. Have just about rcovered from the shock of the siege in Algeria. Two days prior to it Buster jerked on the lead and I smashed my leg into a wooden stump on the morning trip to railway station. It bled like a bitch. Can only just stand Dainty rubbing against it now. Expected loss of life but not as much as happened. Haven't wanted to blog much since and why only been posting every 4 days or so. Been trying to lose myself in facebook games. Trying to sort out Ang getting on internet at hers now she had windows fixed today and can afford to heat hers again. Hopefully have got cable and connector I need to run aerial usb from kitchen to lounge. Her flat was freezing when went over to test signal from my router. Gotta mop the floors today at some point. Will hopefully get on it after take dogs out for second walk. Got to Lidl with Ang and dogs yesterday to get few things. Trying to use up all food we got in though as had some in freezer for about 3 months so it needs using up. Ang still not drinking :).

Two weeks abstinence

Had a quiet few days. Ang still not drinking but struggling with her feelings. I went to Pokedown yesterday but had to get the bus from the Lansdowne as there weren't any trains from Bournemoth. Did loads of brisk walking and got really cold waiting for train at Bournemouth on the way back. Got home after being out for 3 hours and then took dogs out. Had to come back after got to shops because was in terrible pain from my right hip. Got an early night and woke this morning with it still aching. Luckily it not anywhere near as bad as yesterday and got dogs behind the railway track for their first walk. There was still lots of snow on the grass and both had a great time running around in it and for once Buster was play fighting with Dainty which really put me in a good mood watching them have so much fun. Ang seems better this morning but it's the evenings that she having the most problems with. She got a counciling appointment next week though which hopefully will help her. Am really proud of her as it 2 weeks today since she went into hospital after having her last major drink. :) Thankfully the cream the doctor gave her is helping ease pain of her back and she managing to do more each day. She going to try to get to Lidl today to do some shopping as she needs some food as she is eating again. :)

Helicopter crash

Yesterday Ang went to appointment and did a little shopping in Poole. She rang me from the train and I went to meet her with Buster. She could barely walk and it took over 20 minutes to get back from the station. Got to bed about 10.45 last night leaving Ang playing Solitaire Blitz. She woke about 7 this morning and I got up at 8. She managed to get an appointment with her Dr this morning and has just left by taxi. Had 2 coffees this morning and watched news. It's nothing but helicopter crash on BBC now. Sky the same. Currently they saying 2 died. The thing that has got me most was the speed of response of emergancy services. Praise be to those heroes.

3 days together.

Martine came over two days ago and we had a laugh playing a game with songs on youtube. Yesterday me and Ang played a similar one all day long til after midnight. Ang was up at 6ish this morning and I got up just after 7. Visitors didn't arrive by 11 so rang and found they not coming til 12 tomorrow. Well annoyed. Ang still not drinking and is enjoying days again. She got an appointment this afternoon in Poole.

Vets soon.

Been quiet last few days. Managed to get Martine to help clean Angs flat. Ang been staying with me as she not drinking. She managed a walk to the backwaters today with me and the dogs. Her mood is lifting even though we broke. Buster got to go to vets as soon as I got money over his lump on his foot. It's not bothering him any more but hopefully get appointment Tuesday. Dainty needs a check up as well but will have to take her in taxi as walk is too far for her. Paniced to get her medication but only just ran out of last bottle this morning. Contacted SW about ATOS and she sorted it out for me. Had all 3 bills in for this quarter. Gotta find £550 quid now to pay all the bills, money for vets, dogfood and live. This gunna be some fancy juggling.

Home

Got to bed early last night after visiting Ang. Rang hospital 8.30ish to see how she had been overnight. They were doing some blood tests and told me to ring back at 1. Arranged for Helen and Graham to bring her home and she got to mine at 4ish. She's agreed not to drink so am letting her stay til can get social to visit or until she drinks. She says she feels terrible and was wretching shortly after getting here. She regrets eating at hospital before she left as it's made her feel sick again. 15 mins after being here she went to bed with a sick bowl.

Hospital

Visited Ang several times yesterday and she shouted at me one for tidying up at hers. She came around about 4ish and came in as I'd forgotten to lock the door. She was sober and really distressed. She asked to stay here and after a while I agreed. She went to bed and I went and collected her medication and tobacco. She had two lorazepam when I got back and was ok for about 20 or 30 minutes. She then got up and went hysterical. She started throwing things off the table and shouting. She refused to go and so I dragged her out and deposited her and her stuff on my doorstep and locked the door. She went back to her flat but returned this morning about 9ish. She begged for help saying she been throwing up blood. I let her in and got a bowl. She threw up almost immediately and eventually she agreed we should ring out of hours. They sent car ambulance who assessed her and they requested a normal ambulance and she left with them. She really struggled getting out to the ambulance. I rang hospital earlier but she not been seen yet. Drinking coffee and smoking. Wish could have left dogs to go with her. Tried Sonya but she unable to get to hospital and wait with her.

Police again!!

Had to call police again because of Ang yesterday. She had a spare key of mine and let herself in just after I called police because she was shouting and banging on door. The policeman made her give me the key and leave. Spent the day on phone to people and getting her medication sorted out. Ended up having to send taxi for it as didn't want her here dogsitting. Took some soup, tangerines, cider and complan over to her when medication had been delivered. Managed to get dogs out twice yesterday and finally got to bed at 8pm after feeding dogs early. Woke at 4.20 and stayed up for hour and a half but went back to bed. Woke again at 9.15ish and rushed round getting dogs sorted. Knocked on Angs door to get her up because her new tv was being delivered but no response. Got dogs out to garage and got some blue rizla. Came back and Ang walked in about 5 mins after I got back because I'd forgotten to lock the door. Her tv had arrived and she wanted me to get her some money and cider. I agreed after a while she got nasty and shouted a lot and finally left after repeated requests. I went to shops and got cider with the dogs and took it up to her. She got nasty again and I left after asking her if she wanted her tv set up. Remembered to lock door on way in and had second cup of coffee. Dogs are fine now till late afternoon so can relax a bit.

Happy new year.

Ang got leary new years eve 11ish for about 20 to 30 mins. Luckily she settled down by midnight and we saw the new year in. I left her up and went to bed. I woke about 8.20 and got up, sorted dogs out and had a couple of coffees. Took dogs to railway station and then made Ang a cuppa and she got up. Took dogs to boatbeach 12.30ish and walked around wasteland to the shops. Spent £15 which only got me half a carrier bag of stuff and a bottle of cider. Got dogs back and made Ang half a cream cheese bagette. About 4 Ang came out with me and the dogs and we went behind the railway track. She had to stop several times and rest going and coming back. She's not been out for over seven weeks except to have an xray. During the evening she got really nasty and late she started shouting. I went to bed about 11 and she carried on sporadically for about 2 hours. Then she came to bed and got back up after about 5 minutes of shouting at me while in bed. I heard a crash after about a minute so got up thinking she'd fallen. She was standing by the television and the ornaments and some christmas cards were on the floor behind the tv. I said what ya doing and went over. She said I smashed em. She started shouting and swearing and I slapped her and told her to get out. She went over to sofa and started to roll a fag. I told her to pack her stuff and get out. She refused and got leary again. So I put the dogs in the bedroom. I said I'm gunna call the police and she said I need the phone to ring an ambulance I've taken an overdose. I told her to use her mobile and she did. As soon as she put the phone down she grabbed her medication bag and tried to take some of what she just told the ambulance she'd overdosed on. I took her medication off her and she went mad. I managed to get it in the kitchen cupboard out of her reach but she went mad again and I had to fend her off. I got back into the lounge and was gasping for breath. She followed me in and attacked me. I kicked her away in panic because I couldn't breath and got into the bathroom. I called the police and waited. The ambulance arrived first and shortly after the police. Ang leary and taken away in the ambulance and the police took some notes. After they had all gone I took the dogs out for a wee and went and laid down on the bed. I had two phonecalls from a local number with no-one talking and then about 3.30 the police turned up again trying to find Ang's key. Couldn't find it here and they left after making me go through events again and telling me I need to clean up my flat. Couldn't sleep after all that so put news on and went on facebook. Made a couple of coffees then had to go and settle Dainty after a nightmare. Now it's 6.20 and dogs need to go out at 8 and got visitors at 10.45. Got no idea if Ang ok or not or whether she in hospital or police station. Loverly start to 2013